Throwback

Ah.

I couldn't even choose the good title for this post. Um, by the way, this is the sixth night since we were through, eh? How's your life? How's your family? I hope they're good. You too, of course.

Here, I just wanna write anything about my feeling after all of this time since you've gone. And also, I will give a bit flashback, lol. Is it a problem for you? I've told you before, just close this page if you dont wanna continue reading. Because I might no longer have a right to write anything about you, or just consider this is not for you, then.

Should I start?

People said, "Sometimes you don't miss the person, you miss the memories you shared with them."

I think they're wrong. The fact is, I miss you, I miss us, not the memories. Because our memories is not worth to remember. Such a nightmare, especially for you, right? Uh, if there are any ways to apologize, I will do. I feel guilty and so bad. Hella bad.

Stupid. I know right. Missing you is too late right now. It is useless. It won't change anything. It won't bring you back here...

Perhaps, you think that I'm just a hypocrite, don't you? Yeah, you're right. I can't keep my words. I was too selfish to let you go. And then what's the reality? You're now gone. And I don't know how to be okay when I'm not. This is just hit me on the face so hard.

Before we decided to dating, everything was sweet. I love you, you love me, just as simple as that. We used to talk to each other every day. We used to talk through skype at night. We used to send the sweet-good morning texts every morning. And of course, the butterflies were tickled our stomach and we couldn't deny that we were loved at each other.

But when we were dating, everything was not same anymore. I abandoned you. I thought that I was not ready to get into a relationship. I thought that I had to chase my dreams first, then think about relationship. I thought that I didn't need you. I thought that I would be alright doing all alone.

I'm swallowing my pride during writing this.
To be honest, I was wrong. The truth is, I really need you. You were never bugging me, so I'm sorry for everything I've ever done. I was stupid and didn't think about any consequences of all. It was all my fault. I was treating you bad, and it was getting worse every those days. Indeed, we haven't had holding each other's hands. I can't figure it out anymore. I'm so sorry...
It's okay. At least, you've learned a lesson for not fully trust someone. I'm just wishing you happy in every single day. I hope you will find a better one, not a bad girl like me. I love you, and it is never enough.

I miss you. I miss smiling like an idiot when reading your message, not a fake smile like I did these days.
For once again, I'm so sorry for everything. Will you forgive me?